Submission: it’s a thin line between punishment and pleasure. Lorali, an independent woman and sexual therapist, believes she has everything she could ever want – except love. After being abused for much of her childhood, she closes herself off from the rest of the world.
Now, on her thirtieth birthday, she has to face her fears, let go of her control and perhaps fall for the man of her dreams. But there’s a catch, to have a future with Cade Caruso she’ll have to become his submissive.
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Excerpt:
Prologue
Her mother’s screams for mercy filled Lorali’s room. Her father was always a mean drunk. There was no doubt about that.
“Shut up you little, cunt-sucking bitch!” Her dad raged as she heard the heavy thwack of flesh hitting flesh. There was no question her father was doing the hitting. Tonight’s fight had been the worst Lorali had ever experienced. Pushing her burnt sienna-colored hair behind her ear, she sniffed back more tears.
She learned at a young age, if she didn’t want to get beat, she stayed away from her father. Her mother on the other hand, wasn’t afforded the same luxury. If dinner hadn’t been on the table as he walked through the door, her mother had been beaten until it was placed before him. It was the same for the laundry and daily cleaning of the house. Why Lorali thought it would ever change she had no clue.
Maybe it was sheer stupidity or a crazy notion she’d gotten in her head, but, hell, she figured if her mother was being hurt by someone else, her father would care.
Obviously not.
Earlier that evening, her mother had invited another woman and her husband over while her dad worked the late shift at Henderson’s Automotive. Lorali had made the mistake of walking in on them at an inopportune moment. Her mother was knelt between the woman’s legs and the man behind her. Shocked and confused, she covered her eyes and backed out of the room. Freaking out, Lorali called her father at work. She mistakenly thought her mother was being hurt. Or at the very least, forced into some sick act.
She was only trying to protect her mom.
Soon the yelling ceased and her mother’s sobs were quiet. She heard her father tell her mother to go fuck her whore and her prick. She wasn’t allowed in his house any longer. Lorali didn’t know what to do. Did she run out of her room? Did she stay where she was and hope her father didn’t come after her next? In her mind she had done the right thing. In his mind, Lorali would be just as responsible as her mother.
It was sick, twisted even, but she knew the rules. The only way for her to stay safe tonight was to not move or make a sound.
“Lorali, I love you sweetheart,” her mother choked back a sob. “Honey, I don’t blame you. You didn’t know what you saw. I’m sorry baby, I really am.” Lorali could hear her father coming down the stairs, and her mother began to speak faster. “One day I’ll come back for you. Then I will explain everything to you. I promise.”
“You’ll be teaching her nothing of the sort, you ungrateful bitch. She will grow up being a proper lady with proper values. You will never see her again, Diane. Never!”
Lorali lay there, tears streaming down her cheeks, as her father slammed the door. She tried to wipe them away as they fell so if her father came in he wouldn’t see them. It was a weakness he could prey on with her. She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing he frightened her anymore.
The door to her heart and soul slammed shut. Lorali’s body went numb from all the pain and anguish. Never again would she put herself in the predicament she was in.
Staring up at the ceiling, a steely resolve filled her. Her only way out now was to get a scholarship to a school far away from her father. She would find her mother and beg her for forgiveness. Then if she had the money, Lorali would help her as much as she could. Because, deep in her soul she understood that she’d just ruined everything for both of them.
Chapter One
Present Day
“I don’t know doc. I have tried everything including, you know--” He leaned toward Lorali. “Self gratification. It still doesn’t help or work. I can’t come,” he whispered. He sighed and sagged against the back of the couch. His already messy hair was sticking out at odd angles as he ran his shaky fingers through it.
Lorali had been seeing Malcolm for almost six months. In his mid-thirties, he acted as if he were in his seventies. His gray eyes were dulled with depression and the premature wrinkle of his skin had Lorali worried for him. Every time she gave him an exercise to try, he came back the next week to denounce its effectiveness. She was beginning to believe he just didn’t have the ‘want’ to fix his sexual problems.
Scribbling down a little note to talk with his wife, she cleared her throat and looked up at him. “Malcolm, I believe part of the problem you’re having is the inability to let go. You want to be in control so much you have made yourself climax constipated. The moment you let go of your control, will be the moment you will come so hard you’ll wonder if you will ever walk straight again.”
Malcolm looked at her skeptically. “What’s to say I lose control and I still don’t come? What then?”
Lorali took a deep breath, closed her eyes and counted to ten before she spoke. “How about you bring your wife in with you next week. We will explore this a little bit more. In the mean time, I want you to try what I suggested.”
Malcolm seemed to think about it before he spoke. “All right.” He picked up the prostate massager and put it in its bag. “We’ll give it a try tonight, and I will work on the control thing.” He looked down at her with a sly smile and winked. “If this works, I won’t be back next week with my wife.”
Lorali nodded, not even acknowledging the sly smile or the wink. “Sounds like a plan, Malcolm. I will cross my fingers for you and hope all goes well.” With that said, she stood and ushered him out of her office. He was her last client for the day and she was in a hurry to meet with her mom.
She was plucking her purse from the bottom drawer of her desk when the memory of the last night she’d been in her father’s house assaulted her.
* * * * *
Tip toeing through the house quietly even though her father was at work, she made her way to the kitchen. Grabbing what she could to eat, Lorali headed into the living room to do her homework. She savored every bite of her cheese sandwich and stale chips. Food was a rarity anymore. Some days she felt like a squirrel trying to get a nut in the dead of winter. Lorali had been reduced to raiding her father’s wallet twice a week just so she could buy food.
His belief was his money was better spent on alcohol.
As she ate the bit of food she’d scrounged up, she watched a little TV and studied for her test the next day. The sound of metal trash cans crashing together and a stray cat’s wail of surprise startled her. It was her father’s slurred, “go fuck yourself”, muffled by the back door that had her cowering in fear. Lorali knew he was in a foul mood.
Her biology book sat open to human sexuality and reproductive organs when he finally stumbled into the room. His eyes were blood shot and weepy from one too many scotch on the rocks. He loomed over her, his rancid breath filled her nose, causing her to gag. “You little whore!” He slurred. “What are you reading and why?” Her father backhanded her off the couch and sent her flying into the coffee table. “You cock–sucking, white–trash, good–for-nothing!” His words were punctuated with open handed smacks against her side, back and legs. “I tried to raise you to be a proper lady and this is the thanks I get? You bringing smut into my house.”
Lorali couldn’t think straight. Her father’s breath reeked of liquor and made her nauseous. It was only a biology book, nothing more. She opened her mouth to speak, but was backhanded again. The room swam. Black dots clouded her vision, and she could feel herself falling. In the distance she heard a scream.
Later she found out it was the neighbor. Mrs. Crasck heard her father yelling and, fed up with his abusive ways, came for Lorali
She didn’t remember anything else from that night. Lorali woke up three days later in the hospital. Her mother was by her side along with the husband and wife whom she’d seen a year ago. Her mother explained she was going to live with them. They would protect her no matter what, and her father would never find her again.
Lorali had cried and begged her mother and her friends for forgiveness, but they wouldn’t take her pleas. They said it was they who were at fault. They should have known better, but she blamed herself.
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